Quote of the day

From my 8yo DD to her brother (10) while they're doing math work at the table. She is reflecting out loud as she does her work:

"One day we might thank mom for this (work).... or not.".

Share?

My father-in-law once told me I should write a book with all the stories and characters that were part of my life when I first met my husband. I was an only child who listened to adult conversations a lot. Too much in fact. I had a single mother who dated some characters & a dad with a big family and who managed a 7-11. So people were part of my daily life. I always felt lonely so I started being a "fly on a wall" and analyzing people regularly at an early age. That's when I wasn't singing songs about saving the world in my grandmas backyard. I had grand plans. ;-)

So, here's one of my stories:

My mom was shopping by herself in a Home Improvement store when she was probably in her early-to-mid 30's. She had big hair, always wore makeup, and wasn't afraid to be ultra stylish (which makes for great pictures to make fun of her today). She was a fox really, I'm glad I have her genes!

So, here she is mindlessly pushing the cart around browsing the store. After awhile she hears something almost inaudible but she ignores it. "air?". A few more minutes go by and she hears it again:"Share?"
She keeps pushing away and hears it again, a little louder this time, "Share?"
Bewildered, she looks behind her and about 25 feet back there is a small mexican man (read the quoted words above with an accent) behind her slowly wheeling his cart and looking right at her. Perplexed she continues walking, a little faster now*. The man behind her picks up his pace to match hers saying louder, "Share? Now she's really freaked out because she has NO idea what this man is saying but she knows he's saying it to her. They go around the store for a minute or so like this, her speeding up and staring straight ahead and him picking up the pace and yelling, ""SHARE?!". It must have been a sight!
She finally has enough** and she stops dead in her tracks, turns around and says to the guy, "What?! What do you want from me?!" To this he replies meekly and a bit starstruck: "I take picture? You Cher?.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SHe was floating on a cloud singing "If I could turn back time" for weeks. And it was only 5 years ago that she started wearing colors again, she only wore black for years after that. And fringe.

You can thank Melissa for inspiring me to tell this story. She had a similiar float-on-a-cloud moment due to looking like a celebrity. ;-)

* A trait my mom has that I haven't talked about yet is that she was/is addicted to true crime stories/novels so everyone is a suspect and out to get her.

** Despite this trait she's a face-em-head-on kind of woman where I'm more the hide-in-the-closet-and-pray type of woman myself.

Snoopy's in the genes!

When I was in elementary school I wanted the part of Snoopy in the school play SOOO bad I could taste it! Almost as bad as when I wanted the part of Wendy in Peter Pan. But, my low voice didn't cost me the part of Snoopy because he didn't speak, just held up signs. I LOVED being the comic relief! I remember my mom putting my hair into pig tails dog ears. I even remember calling my grandmother and excitingly telling her I got the part! To have that excitement again over something so small!

A couple of weeks ago I read a 4-H e-mail that there was going to be a show in town for our county. In our 4-H group they were casting a Peanuts play. I asked my oldest if he wanted to be in it (the rest are Cloverbuds or younger) & he said he did. I asked which part he'd want and he immediately said "Snoopy!". Later on I told him I was Snoopy too, pretty cool. Well, he got the part because we're probably the only family up as late as the time that the e-mail came.

So, I had less than 2 weeks to get creative and make a Snoopy costume. I have a lot of creativity in my head folks but executing is a very different story for me. But, I'm proud of the end result:

It was cute and all but it was L---O----N-----G. And apparently the teenagers in officer positions thought a good way to entertain us all was to drink soda and belch into the microphone for laughs. I'm.dead.serious. Yeah.

I think this picture illustrates best how dad, the kids, & I felt by the time it was over:

So, being the corny folk we are (it really rubs off on the youngin's which is quite fun to watch!), I had to take this shot right before we left. He had gotten his tail stuck in the door and we all thought this was hilarious. Maybe we were just so happy to be outside again! ;-)

*No fictional dogs or real children were harmed in these photos*

**Please ignore how filthy my van is**

Have a great weekend!!!

Painting with children

OK so I took Dys' advice and decided to take on more household projects with my kids. Our 2yo is just not ready to paint (although he thinks he is) so while the others were helping I gave baby *T* a clean paint brush with a bowl of water and a clean wall to "paint". All good, right? Would I be blogging about it if it was? LOL!

So, I'm deep in paint-land thinking to myself, "Wow, this isn't so bad after all. Everyone is doing a great job!". Then I turn around. Somehow little Mr. Sneaks-a-lot got his little brush into the rolling pan. And so he painted a wall we didn't have any intentions on painting.

But, it wasn't that bad.

And he was SO happy.

And it was my risk.

So, we just laughed and took lots of pictures. Looking at that wall makes me smile.

Enjoy!

Yoga with children

OK so I'm really, really trying hard to get into my best shape. Partly because I really want to be around for a long time and well, to be honest, partly because 2 of my in-great-shape friends want to take me to Europe next Fall. It's an awesome opportunity I'm thrilled about but not as thrilled lying on the beach in between those too. LOL Of course, I don't NEED to look my best for anyone since my husband has never stopped thinking I was beautiful but I really want to for myself and for my health.

SO... one of the new routines I'm adding to my day is morning Yoga. My original plan was to get up before the darling little ones and have my morning coffee & breakfast bar, do a Bible study peacefully at the table watching the sunrise and then do my Yoga routine before cheerfully greeting my children as they wake with a hot breakfast awaiting. Yeah, I watched WAY too much Nick-at-Nite growing up. Damn Donna Reed and the delusions she's caused me. *sniff*

So into my world of color, my reality. I wake up with the kids and drink my coffee as they enjoy their instant oatmeal and I read through e-mail instead of being productive. Then I remember the Yoga tape and pop it in. My older daughter wants to try it too so I give her the spare mat and away we go. For the first 20mins the kids played in and out of the room and left us alone pretty much. Then my daughter got tired and gave up. I was the sole yoga survivor.

So, I'm attempting the Downward Facing Dog pose and all of a sudden I peer down my shirt from the collar (you are supossed to hang your head) and I see my 2yo peering in from the waist side and he says cheerfully, "Mum?!??". Mum is our word for nursing. *sigh* Yeah, weaning is going well.

So... onto the mediatation series. HA! I've learned 2 things. #1 I am EXTREMELY good at ignoring the rest of the world and focusing inward. & #2 My oldest son (10) finally has developed EMPATHY! WooHoo I didn't think it would ever happen folks! I didn't think they EVER developed that trait! But, as my 4yo DD was screaming in my ear that the 6yo hurt her (this is commonplace and I promise you it's almost always not as bad as she says and no, I do not normally ignore it), my 10yo came to my rescue. He reassured her and told her to "leave mommy alone, she's exercising". At this point I'm lying flat with my eyes closed deep in focus and I hear my 4yo, "Is she dead?" Then comes the Peoples' Elbow (not normally involved in Yoga). My 2yo was the elbow culprit but doggonit, I kept focus!

So, that's Yoga for ya, mommy style. I think when I'm 100 and I'm doing Yoga peacefully I will miss the chaos of today. Or maybe it will be my husband peering down my shirt unexpectantly when I do Yoga in those days. LOL

Time to be cynical again...

So tonight we went to DH's company Christmas party. We didn't go before because they allowed ZERO children, not even of the non-mobile infant sort. So, this was the first year we could go. I already knew it would be awkward and was already hoping they'd forgo the whole party idea in favor of Christmas bonuses. I was going to explain the party in full detail but I think I'll sum it up for you instead.

Do you know what you're sitting in the DR's office and it's crowded and there are people next to you and you feel like you should strike up a conversation but you really don't feel up to it? Yeah, it was like that. Only with undercooked chicken & drunk people everywhere. When I did try to establish rapport the effect was minimial and nobody laughed at my attempts at humor and ask DH, I am funny! DH and I laughed rudely to ourselves the entire evening and had a good time anyway. I mean, no one was mean but the entire evening was just.plain.awkward. Most people didn't want to be there, just like the Drs office. Only with door prizes. Here's what we won, and both the hat and shirt are matching in all their glory. rofl

*sorry, I made him keep the tag on the glasses so I can regift them later* ;-)

They should have stuck with bonuses.

Chuck Norris is a household name for us now...

I don't know how or why the Chuck Norris fact craze started butI spent a good hour laughing so hard tears were rolling down my face reading them at Chucknorrisfacts.com. Of course when I did peel my eyes off the screen it made me laugh even harder to see the bewildered looks on my dad and DH's face. And when I tried to say them outloud, sometimes even intelligible, I cried even more while they shook their heads and tried to hold their laughter in. Resistance was futile though and soon enough all of us had tears rolling down our faces at such goodies as:

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.(I really want this one on a t-shirt lol).

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. (or this one - rofl!)


Oh and there's much, much more! rofl

I love this guy...

Jimmy Fallon cracks us up!

Santa Baby....

OK - I debated whether or not to post this because it's a "santa spoiler" so to speak but if you're reading this you're probably either a) An adult or b) A child who typed in google/yahoo "is Santa real". Either way, you can probably handle the following. ;-)

If you are a "Pere Noel" believer you may not want to read any further, consider yourself warned. ;-)

Alright so most of y'all know I have an 8yo brother. Let's call him Ed. So my mom was curious if Ed still believed in Santa. She hints around about him until Ed says, "Mom, I haven't believed in Santa since I was 1 years old!" Cute right? You don't know Ed. He has these snappy 1 liners that make me laugh SO darn hard while at the same time glad it's not my kid saying it. LOL Eds father says "Well, who do you think the man at the mall is then?"

Eds reply was, "Some guy with a crappy job!"

Oh my that child is full of stuff like that. Like I said HYSTERICAL 'cause he's not mine. hehehe

Oh and check this out - who says all the fun in pumpkin pie is eating it? (sorry it's so blurry but you get the idea)

Some people have ants on the counter, some people have cats on the counter, I have an epidemic of diaper clad children on my counter. ;-)

Pair-a-bullish

The other day I watched my newly 8 year old (!) daughter rummaging through the cabinets. I asked her what she was looking for and she said, "Mom, do you have any non-pairabullish food I can donate to Harvest for 4-H?".

"pera----what?" I asked, perplexed.

"You know, non-pairabullish, they have to store it for 2 weeks and so it can't go bad".

I tried so hard not to laugh in her face, she's old enough to get her feelings hurt so I explained that it was perishable, not pairabullish and we had a good laugh together.

I love that 8 is not too late for the cute things they say catagory. ;-)

This was too great not to share...

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he went to pay for his Groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said
You'd be paying for her things, too."

If you need a good laugh...

Oh my I was ROFL so hard at this!!! Mostly because for once it wasn't ME! But it very easily could be and has been often. Pokemon cards on sale at eBay - hysterical

Road rash

So my 3yo (Jedadiah if you remember) is dancing around the living room at this very moment with the mop. She's singing, "My beautiful, beautiful girlfriend".
----------------

So I'm really glad I posted baby T's picture when I had the chance. Would you like to see what he looks like today? Still happy, still sweet, but he looks like a motorcycle stuntman I'm afraid:




My older 2 was helping him out of the van when Miss. Jedadiah decided to "help" by opening the second side door that the baby was leaning against. Yeah, OUCH. He landed face first onto the driveway. Thank God he is fine. The DR told us what to watch for and after his nap he was back to his old vibrant self again.

Do it for yer babys daddy

Dy and I were talking the other day about exercise, er...well... more like our lack of. I was doing great for awhile but I just could not get myself remotivated after illness and household disasters took place for a few weeks. I was venting to Dyan how I deplored the fact that every exercise video has a perky, skinny, perky, big breasted, did I mention perky, talkative, smiley, bitch woman as the instructor. OK, truth be told I don't know that I'd buy an exercise tape from a woman in curlers with a baby on each hip and a cigarrette hanging out of her mouth but I tell ya what, it was sure fun to imagine!

I do think one of these days in all my free spare time (<--- this is me living in denial/fantasy) I will make a segment or 2 of this video. Or at least some stills. We decided we would call it: Do It Fer Your Babys Daddy Say it with a southern drawl.

The "instructor" will be someone like me, fresh out of bed, hair uncombed, coffee dribbling from her lips. Stained t-shirt, ripped sweatpants, and a pair of ratty slippers (optional) will be the uniform of choice. I hope you're not the sensitive type because she's probably not a morning person so she may use the words "lazy" and "ass" a lot to motivate you.

Don't worry about keeping up because there will probably be no pattern. She may run off camera from time to time, ignore any off camera crying, yelling, or throwing of things, consider it background music.

Finally, there will be GREAT motivation factors. She suggests placing your box-o-wine between your feet and refill your glass every 10 sit ups! For push-ups we suggest having a page turner handy so while you're doing your reps you can catch up on the latest Nascar Illustrated copy. Oh and as an added bonus the tape will include a razor so you can combine shaving with stretching (yes, it's that time of year to shave again).

Oh and be sure to buy the censored version if cussin' is an issue. It's only about 6 minutes long as opposed to the 35 min full version but you'll get the gist of it.

Happy Easter week folks!

The prettiest vase ever

OK - I think I have to start handing out pamphlets to everyone I meet. No, not the "Where Will You Go When You Die" sort - I'm more of a I'm-not-perfect-just-forgiven-praise-God-for-Grace type of Christian. I'm talking about a warning letter of sorts, or maybe a right-to-release form that informs them that anything they do, say, or even think in front of me could be and probably will be (esp if it's embarrassing) blogged by yours truly. It will be embellished, told from my warped angle, and there for all the world (well OK, my 7 readers) to see. I did go ahead and warn the woman that told me this story that she, most likely, will be my next victim subject. But she's real cool, and I found out last night, has a strong ornery streak so I'm sure she can handle it. I'm going to call her Blondie for reasons that will be quite clear by the end of the story. ;-)

Blondie is an avid horse lover. She owns at least one (I believe 2) and rides often. One day (years ago) she was riding along in the great state of Texas, along a major road. She spotted something glinting in the sun and got off her horse to inspect it. She was thrilled to find, in her words, "The most beautiful blue vase I'd had ever seen". She picked it up, was excited that it didn't seem broken and got back on her horse. She demonstrated how she held it away from her body and the horse to keep it from breaking because it was thin. She was kind of holding it out, as you would to display something. After a tedious ride home, protecting her precious new find she yelled for her husband to come out of their home. He came over to her and she asked if he'd take the vase so she was sure it wouldn't break while she got off her horse. He took it and when she got off the horse she noticed he was laughing. Perplexed she asked what in the world was so funny and he asked her if she knew what this was. She told him it was the prettiest blue vase she'd ever seen and she was going to clean it out and use it. He laughed even harder and asked her to smell it. She said it smelled like cigars - she'd wash it out and it would be fine. Finally he's laughing so hard he can barely speak and he tells her what she so carefully brought home was not a vase. It was rather a very beautiful, thin, blue, bong. She was riding down a major road holding, for all the world to see, a bong! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA! She says to this day when they pass a florist her husbands asks if she'd like a blue vase. ;-)

LOL!!! Oh man I love you Blondie, thanks for the great laughs last night - she's full of great stories like that. It was a fun cookout! lol

I know this is juvenile but...

I thought this was so funny I had to rewind and pause and take a picture to share. Cm'on, regress with me!

It's a still from American Idol with subtitles because I can never hear a darn thing in my house.



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