Realization "quiz" - feel free to post your own!

realization

1. i've come to realize that my behind: Is probably always going to be the last thing to thin out.

2. i've come to realize that when i talk: I need to choose my words more carefully.

3. i've come to realize that if i love someone: They almost always love me back.

4. i've come to realize that i need: My intimacy with God

5. i've come to realize that i lost: My inability to function in the mornings (yay)

6. i've come to realize that i hate it when: I let my emotions rule my actions/words.

7. i've come to realize that, if i'm drunk: I'm drunk on love. ;-)

8. i've come to realize that marriage: Takes 2 to perservere, and it's a LOT of rewarding & consistent work.

9. i've come to realize that i really: Value and enjoy people (most days)

10. i've come to realize that i'll always be: Struggling to become my best self.

11. i've come to realize that i like: Raw food! yay, who'd have thunk it?!

12. i've come to realize that the last time i cried was: Last week at the park with friends talking about DH's dad leaving him so young.

13. i've come to realize that my cell phone is: Probably slowly harming me but pretty impossible to live without.

14. i've come to realize that when i wake up in the morning: I enjoy getting out of bed!

15. i've come to realize that before i go to sleep at night: . I always have to stand in each of the kids bedrooms and pray for their protection.

16. i've come to realize that now i'm thinking about: Getting some much needed sleep and my jam-packed day tomorrrow.

17. i've come to realize that babies: Grow up WAY too fast.

18. i've come to realize that, when i get on Myspace: I look forward to seeing if I have new messages or comments.

19. I've come to realize that today: Was not as chaotic as I expected, there were many blessings throughout it.

20. i've come to realize that tonight i will: Go hold my husband and go to sleep.

21. i've come to realize that tomorrow i will: Go to lunch/library coffee tasting with an old friend, take the kids to the magician, & do my Home & Garden Party.

22. i've come to realize that i really want: For my husband to realize how special he is.

No matter how often you fly...

It never ceases to be simply AMAZING!

Adventures

I just got back from a weekend in Boston to be with my childhood friend, *M*. We were thinking it wasn't possible that were have known each other since we were 4 years old then she found an old picture of us and the date on the back put us at 5 years old in the picture. So, we really have been friends that long, it seems surreal. We spent the weekend meeting new people, getting massages, shopping, and my personal favorite; watching old home movies of ourselves and laughing so hard we should have worn depends. ;-)

There were both great times and tragic times during our trip (our mutual friends father passed away this weekend) but it's a trip I'll keep with me always. I'm going to be posting various stories and pictures from the trip because when you're travelling without children there are LOTS Of things to observe and take pictures of. LOL

So, look for the posts, I can't promise any today but I will post some.

Weaning has been rough on me...

I thought I was weaning my son but truth is, I'm weaning myself. It was harder on me than it was on him I think. It still is hard. He's my last baby. Before him I was usually pregnant when I weaned and I knew there would be another sweet baby to come and watch grow. There's something about nursing. When I was young and naive I looked upon it even as a gross thing. Almost a perverse thing. But when I had children of my own I realized how ignorant that was. What a special and unique bond it is. God knew what he was doing. He creates hormones to both make baby happy and content to stay still & mama too. It's a strong bonding experience. On a lighter note, it's almost equivalent to that first buzz you get if you ever had drinking days. Everything is right with the world. On top of all that you get the satisfaction of knowing you are sustaining life. By yourself. I always thought that was a blessing and confidence booster! I can honestly say 75% or more of my nursing days were enjoyable once I got past the social mores of the world and became confident in the beautiful thing is really is.

When I had my first son 10 years ago I was embarrassed by breastfeeding, even resentful of it because it took me away from everyone. I went into the bathroom in public, dressing rooms, I isolated myself in other peoples homes. By the time my daughter was born I was more confident and nowadays I can nurse like MacGyver - just give me a blanket & my teeth - I don't need any stinkin' hands. LOL And you wouldn't even know what was going on. ;-)

So, it's been a journey for me, 5 children, almost 8 years long (I didn't start extended nursing until my 4th child). I've grown so much, I've been pregnant, with newborn, going to school, teaching school, but I've always been nursing. It's been part of who I am, what I'm used to. But, I recognized that for baby T and I it had become a dependency issue. And I didn't enjoy being just his food supply. He was actually rude to me unless I was feeding at times. And then he started gorging himself and making himself sick. So, it was definately time. And it was definately harder on me than it was on him. He's already stopped asking. Which partly makes me want to cry and partly makes me proud. It's bittersweet.

I think while I'm really reflecting here I'm realizing it's the first huge step for me of the process of letting go. I know there are going to be harder steps in the future. I just hope I always can be selfless enough to look past my own emotions and put my children first. When we're not mutually benefitting anymore from something it's time to let it go. Am I on to something older moms? Is it going to be this hard every step of the way?

Is it too late to say I don't think I'm qualified for the job? LOL

So anyway, all this to share a poem I wrote during what I call my grieving process. It's all just so final and I needed a way to express myself. Some of you may be able to relate.


If you fell down all I had to do,
was say one special word to you.
When it was late & sleepiness crept in,
One word and out came that sweet drowsy grin.
On those wee morning hours with just you and I,
That word always made you happily sigh.
Cold afternoons just before you would nap,
One word brought warmth and rest with a snap.
I will always cherish these moments, my beautiful son,
The moments you called on with the word "mum".
This chapter may be over in both of our lives,
But I will always remember & treasure, your sweet nursing eyes.

Share?

My father-in-law once told me I should write a book with all the stories and characters that were part of my life when I first met my husband. I was an only child who listened to adult conversations a lot. Too much in fact. I had a single mother who dated some characters & a dad with a big family and who managed a 7-11. So people were part of my daily life. I always felt lonely so I started being a "fly on a wall" and analyzing people regularly at an early age. That's when I wasn't singing songs about saving the world in my grandmas backyard. I had grand plans. ;-)

So, here's one of my stories:

My mom was shopping by herself in a Home Improvement store when she was probably in her early-to-mid 30's. She had big hair, always wore makeup, and wasn't afraid to be ultra stylish (which makes for great pictures to make fun of her today). She was a fox really, I'm glad I have her genes!

So, here she is mindlessly pushing the cart around browsing the store. After awhile she hears something almost inaudible but she ignores it. "air?". A few more minutes go by and she hears it again:"Share?"
She keeps pushing away and hears it again, a little louder this time, "Share?"
Bewildered, she looks behind her and about 25 feet back there is a small mexican man (read the quoted words above with an accent) behind her slowly wheeling his cart and looking right at her. Perplexed she continues walking, a little faster now*. The man behind her picks up his pace to match hers saying louder, "Share? Now she's really freaked out because she has NO idea what this man is saying but she knows he's saying it to her. They go around the store for a minute or so like this, her speeding up and staring straight ahead and him picking up the pace and yelling, ""SHARE?!". It must have been a sight!
She finally has enough** and she stops dead in her tracks, turns around and says to the guy, "What?! What do you want from me?!" To this he replies meekly and a bit starstruck: "I take picture? You Cher?.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! SHe was floating on a cloud singing "If I could turn back time" for weeks. And it was only 5 years ago that she started wearing colors again, she only wore black for years after that. And fringe.

You can thank Melissa for inspiring me to tell this story. She had a similiar float-on-a-cloud moment due to looking like a celebrity. ;-)

* A trait my mom has that I haven't talked about yet is that she was/is addicted to true crime stories/novels so everyone is a suspect and out to get her.

** Despite this trait she's a face-em-head-on kind of woman where I'm more the hide-in-the-closet-and-pray type of woman myself.

Time to be cynical again...

So tonight we went to DH's company Christmas party. We didn't go before because they allowed ZERO children, not even of the non-mobile infant sort. So, this was the first year we could go. I already knew it would be awkward and was already hoping they'd forgo the whole party idea in favor of Christmas bonuses. I was going to explain the party in full detail but I think I'll sum it up for you instead.

Do you know what you're sitting in the DR's office and it's crowded and there are people next to you and you feel like you should strike up a conversation but you really don't feel up to it? Yeah, it was like that. Only with undercooked chicken & drunk people everywhere. When I did try to establish rapport the effect was minimial and nobody laughed at my attempts at humor and ask DH, I am funny! DH and I laughed rudely to ourselves the entire evening and had a good time anyway. I mean, no one was mean but the entire evening was just.plain.awkward. Most people didn't want to be there, just like the Drs office. Only with door prizes. Here's what we won, and both the hat and shirt are matching in all their glory. rofl

*sorry, I made him keep the tag on the glasses so I can regift them later* ;-)

They should have stuck with bonuses.

Still the One... 10 years later...

You're Still The One by Shania Twain
(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after
all this time, you're still the one I love.)
Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." ~Barnett R. Brickner

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." ~Doug Larson

Happy 10th Anniversary to DH and I! WooHoo!!

Why I've been so quiet...

Grampoo's here!!!! The days have been filled with things like this:

And the nights have been filled with B-rated action & karate flicks, deep philosophical discussions, and the endless quest to find my father a cup of coffee that doesn't make him want to throw it in the clerks face. Yeah, it's a sore spot with him. ;-)

My wonderful DH got my internet hooked back up after I moved the computer to the living room. So, I'm here just too busy living to write about it for a change. It's a good thing.

Jess

My first non-snarky post ;-)

I was surrounded by family when I first heard about the Virginia Tech massacre. To be honest it was easy for me to push aside the shock and horror at the time, I was surrounded by babies and children full of unconditional love. It's remarkably easy to push aside the evils of the world when there's a chubby baby laughing on your lap. But later on, in our hotel room, hearing all the gory details it wasn't as easy. Our black & white 9yo wanted to know *why* someone would do this. Hmmm I wish I knew. We explained how sometimes people are just broken inside. They didn't get enough love or laughter or Faith or all of the above and they do things without regard to the consequence. And that most of the time they end their own lives just like this young man did. I'm an extremely compassionate person so I can't help but wonder what his life was like to do something like this. What anyone's life is like. Did he just have something in him that hopefully none of us have, and it snapped? Was he born "broken" or did an event or series of events cause him to break? We may never know. Whatever the reason I resent having to watch bits of my sons innocence swept away because of the evils of the world but I'm not naive, I know it's inevitable.
Yesterday he cried out of nowhere because he wanted his family to stay as it is, forever. He didn't want any of us (or his extended family) to die. He is a faith-filled child, he's an inspiration to both my husband and I some days. And yet, this horrific tragedy made death a little more real to him, and a little more scary. I can't imagine how the survivors and the victims families feel. And the shooters family. Wow.
I am hoping this doesn't turn into another anti-gun campaign. Yes, guns can kill a lot of people. So can poison. So can cars. So can big airplanes full of innocent people. But we don't outlaw airplanes. I don't think stricter gun laws would have fixed this young man. Nor do I think that VT could have reacted differently to prevent these senseless deaths. Hindsight is 20/20.
No real point to this other than my rambling. We're almost back to our state after 2500+ miles of driving round trip. (we're home now) The kids did great. We created some awesome memories, met family we haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet, and we're coming home a little richer (emotionally, we're poorer financially LOL). I know I have grown a little bit. I'm a little surer of things, as unsure as the world is. We are incredibly blessed with the family and friends we have. Incredibly.
So I'm trying to work out the vacation/back home transition right now. Part of me wants to move again. I want to be closer to family, not next door but within an hours drive. Life is too short. But the other part of me knows that our life here is the one we're supposed to be living right now. In this season anyway. It's a hard transition to make and growing up an only child I can't tell you how much the chaos and love and dysFUNction means to me. I have 3 sisters, 3 BIL's. Countless neices and nephews. And I've been in the family 10 years now, I've been an aunt to almost all of them since they were born. It's a neat feeling. I'm really glad we had 5 children now that I see the fruits of a big family as they're grown.
Sorry this isn't snarky. I'm just not feeling snarky. Actually I'm feeling a bit feverish. And the babe is feverish as well so I've felt like a mama kangeroo most of the day with a joey attached. ;-) But he's sleeping now finally and I need to take advantage and be productive. WHY didn't I clean more before we left? LOL