Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Do it for yer babys daddy

Dy and I were talking the other day about exercise, er...well... more like our lack of. I was doing great for awhile but I just could not get myself remotivated after illness and household disasters took place for a few weeks. I was venting to Dyan how I deplored the fact that every exercise video has a perky, skinny, perky, big breasted, did I mention perky, talkative, smiley, bitch woman as the instructor. OK, truth be told I don't know that I'd buy an exercise tape from a woman in curlers with a baby on each hip and a cigarrette hanging out of her mouth but I tell ya what, it was sure fun to imagine!

I do think one of these days in all my free spare time (<--- this is me living in denial/fantasy) I will make a segment or 2 of this video. Or at least some stills. We decided we would call it: Do It Fer Your Babys Daddy Say it with a southern drawl.

The "instructor" will be someone like me, fresh out of bed, hair uncombed, coffee dribbling from her lips. Stained t-shirt, ripped sweatpants, and a pair of ratty slippers (optional) will be the uniform of choice. I hope you're not the sensitive type because she's probably not a morning person so she may use the words "lazy" and "ass" a lot to motivate you.

Don't worry about keeping up because there will probably be no pattern. She may run off camera from time to time, ignore any off camera crying, yelling, or throwing of things, consider it background music.

Finally, there will be GREAT motivation factors. She suggests placing your box-o-wine between your feet and refill your glass every 10 sit ups! For push-ups we suggest having a page turner handy so while you're doing your reps you can catch up on the latest Nascar Illustrated copy. Oh and as an added bonus the tape will include a razor so you can combine shaving with stretching (yes, it's that time of year to shave again).

Oh and be sure to buy the censored version if cussin' is an issue. It's only about 6 minutes long as opposed to the 35 min full version but you'll get the gist of it.

Happy Easter week folks!

16 comments:

Dy said...

PIMPLMAO!! You did it. Now we're bound. I'll film. You can be the star. It's okay. Really. But I can probably provide back up cussing if you need it. "DAMN, that looks like it hurt! You okay? Need more wine?"

Dy

andie said...

This'll be on DVD, yes? Not TV. Cause if it comes on during my soaps or I miss Maury I'll be mighty pissed.

melissa said...

*Snort!* LMAO!

O.K., seriously. I gotta go work out. It is THAT woman that keeps me going............so I'd definitely buy the DVD!!

You guys are HILARIOUS!!!!

Thom said...

ROFL!!!! I love it!!! Put me on the pre-order waiting list for a copy!! Thats's just GOOD stuff! Can I get a "Hell,yeh!"?! LMAO!!!!

Dy said...

OK, that's, what three buyers? I think we need to do this thang while you're here!

Dy

Emily said...

OOOO!! OOO!! Me too! Can I yell "Git 'er done!! and "Hot damn!" off camera a few times during the shoot? ROFLMAO!!

melissa said...

You will of course have to perfect that little shuffling of the feet dance, whilst holding a Budweiser just above eye-level and never spiilling a drop. I've seen it done at a few family reunions.

crystal said...

Jesus, this is the funniest thing I've heard in forever! Be sure and add some non traditional excersizes in there for my beer can crushing hand and my arm wrestling arm ok? Mama gotta earn her "props" you know?

J-Lynn said...

ROFL you guys are hired as my class in the background!

Needleroozer said...

This is just too funny. I wanna be in the background class, too. I can swear reel good, dammit.
LB

Rebel said...

OK, I keep checking in hoping for cute Easter pictures and there aren't any!

andie said...

Ooooh, I like your new picture, J...er, um, J-Lo.

Happy Easter! (Yeah, I'm just now getting around to it.)

Needleroozer said...

Andie,
That's funny!
LB

Dy said...

Geesh, would you BLOG, woman? I miss your morning snark 'n coffee!
Dy

Anonymous said...

LOL I want to but I am having a writers block! And no time. lol

Jess

andie said...

So how much didj'all (like that word?)get done during the visit?

Hurry up already, I'm tired of cussing Leslie Sansone.

Could you do some audio bits, too? I have a few ideas...You'll need an inspiring one, for good days, and an insulting one (Move yer fat arse! Go! You don't want him runnin' off with Earline from the Waffle House, do ya? GET UP THAT HILL!) for the bad days. Lemme know....