It's happened. It's official.

I've turned into my mother. I could cry.

I'm not talking about the sing-me-to-sleep or hold-my-hand-while-driving attributes my mother had. Oh no, I don't mind her passing those on at all. Thankfully, to the other extreme I'm not talking about the 1am wake-up calls "there's a storm and the big oak tree by your window could fall in and kill you so come into the hall, hurry" either. Or the "honey, if I stop breathing call 911 and be sure to tell them I was having chest pains OK?", that was always good for my 12yo security.. Then there's my favorite, "Page me at 9pm so if this date is awful I can use you as an excuse.", didn't take that from her either.

But there's one I have, just today, incorporated into my parenting that I'm mortified to admit. I haven't even told her yet because I don't want to hear her gloat that I've gotten desperate enough to stoop to her level. She will cackle with glee which is actually quite fitting because what I passed on to my kids today was The Witches House.

When I was a little girl and my mom couldn't get me to listen she must have gotten desperate to cling to any semblance of control and she used the very ominious threat of - dan dah dah - The Witches House. . It was a little old gray delapitated house we had to pass every time she took me home from my grandmas house. She'd drive agonizingly slooooooowwwwww as she passed saying she was going to drop me off there.

I had actually blacked it out forgotten all about this trauma until recently when my mom called me excited from work. She left a message on my answering machine beside herself with glee because there was another woman at work that mentioned she threatens to take her son to the witches house. Great, I thought. Psycho-ness loves company. I called her a child torturer and hung up. Well, OK so I called her a child torturer then asked her for her meat sauce recipe then hung up. Logistics!

My middle son is oh, how do you say, a TERROR. I shouldn't label but well, he just is. And he's taken to not listening to me AT ALL. The other day I thought I was making real progress when I used my firm but calm voice, looked him in the eye, and told him to get dressed. He started to do the dog thumping (picture when you scratch the right spot on a dog and they thump their legs - that's how my middle son throws a tantrum!). But then, in mid thump he got up and just obeyed! Wow, I was pretty good I thought to myself until I noticed DH was standing behind me. All DH has to do is look at middle son and he complies. DH has this Fidel Castro thing going on and most kids will listen to him. Hell, most adults do too. So, I've grown increasingly frustrated and I'm at a loss on how to deal with my middle son. And Supernanny just 'aint helping.

We're in the car driving and I watch in the rearview as Middle Son hits my Little Daughter repeatidly on the head. After saying Go Go Smackdown Arm in my best Inspector Gadget voice didn't work I tried talking to him. He has some smart ass comment to say back. It's getting worse and let's face it, this kid is going to be BIGGER than me one day so I need to establish pecking order now. But he calls my bluff constantly and it just leaves me flabbergasted.

OK so here it is. We're driving and I'm at a complete loss. I don't have a cell phone so I can't threaten to call my husband, The Enforcer. My go-go arms aren't working. It wouldn't be ethical to hire my 9yo to smack him. So, before I even knew what I was saying the words came out of my mouth. "Middle Son, if you don't behave & buckle your seatbelt I'm bringing you to (dah dah dah) The Witches House!" The car was dead silent for a moment. I was busy giving the People's Elbow to my subconscious for even letting those blasted words leave my mouth. How do you say something you didn't even think? Yikes!

The words were out there. I could see the older kids conspiring and sure enough they were trying to throw in their 2 cents before mommy could be rational enough to put an end to it all. But then Middle Son challenged me. "No you're not - you can't bring me there - I won't go. And I won't buckle YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!". I may be an adult but if you mock me, or challenge my authority when you are under it you're not going to win. Especially when this 5yo cute little dimpled child turns into a stocky well built bratty teen - It won't be cute anymore.

So, I started brainstorming. I took a different way home and all the way Middle Son was talking Smack. I finally found a run down house with a For Sale sign in front of it and pulled over in front of it. As soon as the car stopped I heard, *click*. "I'm buckled now!". Yeah, a nice mom would have said "great" and moved on but I had a rough day. And I had been challenged by him daily for weeks. I wasn't giving in that easy.

"Cm'on Middle Son, we're here. She'll call me to come get you when you're ready to be kind and behave the way I know you can". He stopped smiling but he's way too defiant to let on that he was scared. At this point my oldest son chimed in with, "If you don't listen to her she'll hit you with her broomstick!" Yeah, brotherly love at it's finest. I looked in the back and he started to look a little panicky. I asked if he was ready to listen to me and to treat everyone kindly like we treated him (OK - like we treated him BEFORE this particular car ride). He nodded his head and we drove the last block to our house. It was nice to have some sort of control again, even if I had to stoop to desperate levels.

All in all I did not become exactly like my mom (although I do understand her a bit more). The Witches House will not become a crutch for me. While Middle Son was getting ready for bed I gave him a big hug and assured him I would never drop him off anywhere, that I loved him too much. I think he knew all along. He smiled his coy little knowing smile and said he loved me too. I think orneriness respects orneriness so we're beginning to understand each other a little more. ;-)

Oh that kid, the greatest challenges sometimes bring the greatest rewards.

I'm officially retiring The Witches House but my older kids say there's one in every city so look out. ;-)