Tuesday, June 26, 2007

My Austin man

Shamelessly stolen from Dy.


You scored as Tilney, Your husband/boyfriend is most similar to Mr. Tilney of Northanger Abbey. Charming and witty, sometimes he confuses others with his satirical humor and outlandish statements. However, he has an excellent sense for the motives of others and therefore is very helpful to you. As a couple, you share many exciting experiences and laughs and enjoy constant camaraderie with those closest to you.

Edmund Bertram

70%

Tilney

70%

Edward Ferrars

60%

Darcy

60%

Knightley

55%

Captain Wentworth

50%

Col. Brandon

45%

Who is Your Jane Austen Boyfriend/Husband?
created with QuizFarm.com

Cheesy...

OK again I'm just blogging a short entry. I can't keep my eyes open lately. Man.

So Middle Son comes up to me saying "Mommy, mommy! (DD3) has the PapaJohns cheese!" to which Oldest Boy replies, "Parmesian, not Papa John!"

I'm glad I have kids or I'd have nothing for ya. lol

Monday, June 25, 2007

Backfire!

Don't let me get away with not posting our drama this weekend with baby T. But right now I'm delirously tired so I'll stick with a funny kid story again.

Middle Son, "Mr. Mischief" is always getting into the fridge & freezer. He steals bits of daddys birthday cake, ice cream, anything he can get his hands on. It has become worse as of late so I picked up a fridge child lock Sunday night. I put it up, went to bed and DH stayed up so I could sleep in a bit. I was woken by Middle Son whispering to me "Mom, I saw what you got for the refrigerator! It's a good idea. I got the milk for (DD3)because she can't open it".

So apparently he's mighty proud that I bought something to keep his little sister out of the fridge. And he feels even prouder that HE can open it to help her out.

*sigh*

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Darn that St. Johns Wort!

I'm finding it really difficult to be snarky lately. Darn happy pills. I think I'll keep the title though just as a disclaimer for when I *do* feel snarky again because I'm sure it will come eventually.

I bought a crate of Clementines last night for DH - today is his birthday (I plan on posting more about that later). So this morning the kids had some and my 3yo came up and sweetly said "Mom, can you peel this for me, I have half hands"

Friday, June 22, 2007

Different worlds

I was on the phone with DH on the way home from another LONG shopping excursion. *sigh* Remind me to talk about my 3yo and how 2 HOURS later she can still cry from the tiniest thing that set her off. So I'm talking to DH and he said he was on his way home already and would beat us there. The kids didn't expect him home so I decided to surprise them. My 5yo was up front with me and he started to say, "HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT?!?!?!" I stopped him (he *always* does that and said "Shhh I want to keep it a surprise". He looks at me really strangely and says in a very bewildered tone, "You want to keep the white cat crossing the road ahead a surprise?!" Wow we live in 2 different worlds sometimes. lol I told him that it was OK, I was thinking of something else and he could tell them about the cat. He looks over and says, "Nah, I want to keep that a secret to us". LOL

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

My grandmother. (PG13)

Oh my grandma is a 5ft 8 child. She was the only adult who would spend hours on end playing games with me and never complain. She actually *enjoyed* it. My mother and aunt whisper that there is something mentally wrong with her but I think she just never wanted to grow up and therefore, didn't. She has a lot more fun than most of us do and she never grew up to be an "old fart" or one of those "fuddy duddies" <---- her words.

She's very much alive today and she adds a certain spice to our life. I like to call her frequent faux paux's "grandma-ism"s.

I'm going to share a few random Grandmaisms with you. Some are stories, some are words, some are things that if anyone else said them you'd go pale and smack them. But g'ma is well, grandma. Set in her ways, harmless in that she speaks better in front of the kids, & very lovable despite the non-pc things that come out of her mouth sometimes.

So my first memory of my grandma saying strange things was when we went camping together Upstate, NY and she let one rip in the middle of the night and I heard her exclaim to my grandfather, "Ooooooooh Bud - that was a flabbergasser!!" My cousin and I could NOT contain our laughter for a long time that night.

Then I remember often as a child waking up to her singing, in her Edith Bunker voice (I'm not crappin' ya folks - she could be a voice-in for her!), "Ohhhhhhh what a beautiful mornin'... Oh what a beautiful day!!!". She was relentless. She just stood there at the kitchen window bellowing it out until my grandfather and I begrudingly joined her int he kitchen.

In Jr. High I had a friend come visit her house with me and my friend didn't want to get in the pool, she said it was too cold. She stayed with a towel wrapped around her on the pool deck. I was pretty bored with her not coming in and my grandma knew it so while my friend was standing there grandma just pushed her in, towel and all. Umm my friend didn't think it was funny. I still do. ;-)

High School. She drove me home from school somedays and we had to pass a house of one of my ex-boyfriends. She knew I was really pissed of at this guy and so she asked which house was his. I pointed to the house and my innocent, church going, singing grandma promptly rolled down the window, blasted her horn and gave him the finger. !!!!

That's when I got a clue that she was more fun then I had ever suspected. ;-)

When I was dating my husband I had to break the news to her that he was half Cuban. I didn't know how she would handle it. Her mother and father were strict Germans and honestly I'm not proud of some of my ancestry or what they did in the states. My grandma loves everyone but she has these assanine prejudices that you just can't get out of her head. So, I was a bit nervous when I told her. She already knew and loved DH but no one ever knows he's Cuban just by looking at him. She looked at me for a minute, pondered it awhile and finally said, "Well, I've never been to Puerto Rico but I hear it's beautiful". Clueless! That's one DH and I still use today. ;-)

So I'm pregnant with my first child and I came over to visit after the sonogram. "What does he look like?" she asks as if it's like a photograph. I couldn't help myself. I said, "Well, he was playing the bongos so we're thinking of calling him Ricky Ricardo" And she looked at me for a moment and shook her head at me. Yeah, she can dish it but she doesn't take it so well about half the time.

Oh - I almost forgot! In high school she gave me her car, put her ailing dog to sleep and moved to Florida after my grandfather died. Two weeks later, complaining of the intense heat she came back and took her car back from me. So it shouldn't have been a surprise the other day on the phone when she asked me if I could mail her back the hook latch she sent me. I wasn't doing it fast enough and she wanted something to do with her hands anyway. I rushed it out to her right away and when she got it asked if she started working on it. "Oh no!" she says, "My hands are too bad right now, It will have to wait awhile" *sigh*

OK so what prompted me to write this post? Another grandma-ism my mom shared with me recently. My great aunt in-law (g'ma's brothers wife) is from Great Britain (or somewhere around there). Apparently she has a British accent which is to be expected! My grandma was complaining to my mom on the phone that her brother put his wife on the phone and "...she still had that Limey accent". My mom sort of sighed (she's the most PC woman ever my mom, drives me nuts sometimes). My grandma wasn't done: "Yeah, I just don't understand why she has to talk like that! Like she's better than everyone else. I mean, this is America, learn to speak English!!!"

Anyone else see the irony in that statement? Oh my she keeps us all entertained.

*disclaimer* I love my grandma more than words. I take good care of her. I listen to her. I talk to her. I send her things. I genuinely love being with her. But man she's just plain nuts sometimes. ;-)

Monday, June 18, 2007

Testing 1...2...3?

DS9: "Mom, dd7 just took dads hammer and put a hole in the door" (how did I not hear this?)

DD7: "He TOLD me to do it!"

Mom: "So because he said so you did it?" (then to ds9) "And why did you tell her to do that?"

DS9 mutters to DD7: "I told you I was going to test you sometime today"

DD7 righteously: "No you didn't!"

Mom (leerily): "What do you mean test her?"

DS9: "Test to see if she would really do something really bad if I told her to... I'm going to test her 2 more times today"

Mom (with finality): "Oh no you are not!"

The Crafty Side

I'm going to take this free moment to post a craft I did last month for my mom. My children are out hunting lions in the jungle of Africa with rifles right now. Well OK so they're in the living room hunting the dogs with broken table legs. They get mighty creative when you take electronics away for a week! ;-)

So back to this craft. A friend of ours was bringing her stained glass equiptment and taught us all how to do it. I looked forever for a design and told my friend what I was looking for and she found this.

I did some things and changed the colors to represent Lung Cancer, which was the one she battled with. The ribbons represent the 5 years they tell you it takes to really be able to take a breath and say "I beat this thing once and for all"

After 12 long hours (a very entertaining story - remind me to tell you) and many cuts later this was the result:



And the really neat thing was she received it on the 4 year anniversary that we found out about the cancer. I couldn't have planned that if I tried. ;-)

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Not exactly Moses but we parted something...

So yesterday I went to a craft store with my kids. I had a stepping stones craft session with friends that night and needed supplies. I don't usually even bat an eye taking my kids places. My middle son has an tendency to throw fits every so often for not getting a toy (we hardly ever buy things!) if he's tired. But even that's rare anymore. So I happily trotted into the craft store not knowing I was stepping into a nightmare.

It started out innocently enough. We visited the bathroom first. My 3yo dd decided to get upset way too fast that we passed the water fountains without allowing her to drink. I told her not to cry, that we could easily give her a drink if she just asks. She did and we took her back and all was right with the world again. In hindsight, I should have taken that minor tantrum as a clue. So we walked on and I'm reading a (fiction mystery) book about art pigments and whatnot so I took them down the art aisle and we spent some time looking at all the different styles of paintings and we guessed which ones were paintings and which were photographs. I told my 9yo how there was speculation about Van Gogh licking his paintbrushes and getting poisoned by the toxic chemicals in his paints. That could be a reason for his mental illness and odd perspections in his later works (halos around the stars in Starry Nights for example). We covered art right there in the store. ;-)

So things were going fine. We headed down the models aisle at my middle sons request and spent some time looking at planes, trains, & automobiles. We talked a lot and just had minor annoyances of being asked to buy random things Middle Son was looking at. I reach the aisle that has the things I need for the Stepping Stone.

I don't even remember how it started. But do remember vividly how it ended. I just recall at one point telling my 3yo dd (the first to throw a fit this time) that she was to get out of the cart NOW so we could leave. She took this as a cue to scream louder. *sigh* Let me tell you something folks. When you're the lone adult with 5 small ones there is no fast escape. I handed the baby to dd7 for a second so I could get dd3 out of the cart. Baby T did NOT like this one bit and proceeded to scream at the top of HIS lungs. It was starting to sound like a duet until Middle Son decided he wanted part of this concert. As I'm lifting wailing dd3 out of the cart and onto my hip Middle Son asks me if he could get a toy. A stern "NO" is all it took and then the screeching duo turned into a Trio. So I hoisted the baby back on my other hip, ignored my poor older 2 kids questions about buying what we had in the cart and started walking.

So, there we were. A sight to be seen. As the crowd parted (yeah, it was quite busy of course) and stared I couldn't help but think about Moses and giggle internally. Everytime I passed a concerned person (one that didn't have that "I've been there" stare in their eye) I'd say something like "I'm sorry guys but we just can't continue shopping if you insist on screaming" Just so that they'd know I wasn't kidnapping these children. I've never heard dd3 scream like that in public and combined with Middle Son (baby T calmed down the minute I took him back) it was just not a fun experience.

Thank God for natural herbs like St. Johns Wort that's all I can say! I had started taking them 3 days earlier and I could really see how well they were working. As I lifted the crying ones into the car I realized how embarrassed and angry I was. But, it was as if I was looking outside of myself analyzing it. I felt distant from the emotions. Distant enough to act calmly and rationaly, something I don't always do unfortunately.

So, after everyone was strapped in I explained sternly but calmly how I will never tolerate that behaviour while shopping. That even if the cart was FULL, we would leave it just like we did today and come home with nothing. I figured natural consequences were punishment enough. I have a feeling they'll be little angels for awhile in public anyway. ;-)

As for my 7 & 9yo, I later thanked them for being so calm and compliant and wonderful in such a difficult situation. It's got to be rough for them sometimes too.

So share your hideous public moments with children and make me feel better will ya? ;-)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Quagmire lives here

Today we visited one of our local rent-to-own-but-give-us-half-your-salary-in-digestable-bites-and-your-first-born-child-too-please places. Usually these places are full of polite but sleazy salesmen who would tell you anything to make a buck. And I can't blame them really, I imagine the pay isn't that great.

So I admire a sectional couch they had and here comes Bubba*, the snake oil salesman. I brace myself and plaster a smile and say hello. He asks if I'm looking for anything specific and I said we were looking for a livingroom set. What Bubba does next shocks me, instead or laying it on thick and making up some story on how this couch is magical and will make all my dreams come true he looks at it, looks back to me and says, "This couch really isn't comfortable. I'm not supossed to say things like that but I'm honest and it isn't." Eyeing him strangely I'm trying to decipher if this is a reverse pyschology move. But he's telling the truth, I sat down and it really wasn't. So we moved on to the next couch, and the next, and the next. Finally his boss comes over and asks what I'm looking for. We tell him and he said there's a sectional in the back. He starts to tell me to follow him but Bubba interrupts and says he'll take me. So, we go back and look at this piece of junk and on the way back to the front I whisper to Bubba, "Do you watch Family Guy?" He tells me yes and I say, "Your boss is Quagmire" to which he doesn't miss a beat and says, "He acts just like him too! I won't let him alone with the female customers."

Later DH came in to look at a few things and Bubba comes over to show us that $600 has already been paid for on this particular couch. So I say to Geo, loudly for Bubba to overhear, "OK so instead of paying 3 times as much in the end we'll only pay twice as much what it's worth" Bubba leans in to us both and says, "Yeah, pretty much" Oh the poor boy needs to find a more ethical job, he's a good guy.

So anyway on the way out Quagmire holds open the door. He actually transformed into the cartoon character before my eyes as he comments each of my girls on how pretty they are and winks at me. He even had the VOICE down!

I wonder if he had Barry White CD's in his truck. I think I caught him saying, "Alll riiight" as we left the store.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I couldn't take it anymore...

I woke up poor DH this morning rather unpleasantly. One of the other traps caught a teeny tiny mouse and we heard it squeaking. My 7yo DD was visibly upset. Even the boys were feeling a bit uneasy. I'm not a member of PETA by any means but I don't want to listen to anything suffer, it was really, really bothering me.

I let DH sleep as long as I could stand it then I went into our bedroom and placed the trap (mouse still in it) on the bedside table and as DH is fluttering awake I said, "There, now YOU can listen to it screaming because I'm not going to any longer!"

Not one of my finer moments but DH has been so sweet and tolerant of my tyrades lately. He got up, took care of the mouse and we've decided on a different means of ridding ourselves of the mice from this point on. *whew*

Outsmarted...

...by a mouse. DH came home with those hideous glue traps to finally get rid of the mice we've been having visit lately. Well, we caught one and then today we learned they are pretty darn smart. One took a bunch of junk it found around the house and laid it across the glue so it could walk on the trap to get to the seeds in the middle!!! We're amazed by that. I think DH may go for the $20 electrocuting trap next. rofl I'm kidding, I think.

So tonight we're driving home from a busy night. My oldest is in a good mood and he sighs deeply and happily from the passenger seat and says, "I think we should write a book" "About what?", I ask. "About our family. When we grow up we could all write some and put it together and bring it to playgroup and stuff to read." It's a good feeling when they're happy enough they want to share it with the world. :-)

Speaking of sharing with the world. Those of you that have known me awhile know that I have some difficulties with my middle son. The screaming in public fits are getting fewer and far between but they're still there, especially when he's tired. Well tonight he whined about "just wooking" (looking) at a video game. I told him we would go look at it after we were done shopping. So, true to my word I took him back to the video game aisle to just look. I was clear. WHen he asked if we could buy the game I told him no, we were just looking. He had a minor meltdown. I told him my usual, "I will talk to you when you calm down" and the other kids and I were having a blast playing this American Idol Karaoke video game. I tried to get him to join in but once his mind is made up that's it, he thinks of little else. So while I'm singing "Proud Mary" at the top of my lungs and dancing in the aisles with the other kids while playing this game he is VERY upset. After we were done and started to leave he got increasingly upset. I repeated that he never got things from me by throwing a fit. And that we were NOT buying anything like that today. I told him to ask for his birthday. But he was just overtired and throwing a fit. I've gotten good at not caring about being in public and doing what I need to do for my family. We checked out and he was reasonably quiet but still crying. As we left the store he started dragging the cart so I couldn't push it. My friend was with me and she pushed my cart while I picked him up and carried him to the car. It's a wonder no one called the cops on me for kidnapping some frantic child. lol I put the other kids in and sat in the parking lot with him holding him while he cried. It didn't help and I had to wrestle him into the car but I knew he'd calm down once he was in his seat. My middle son has never shown remorse for these fits before. So it was like a shining beacon of light, like angels singing and harps playing when we were driving a few minutes later and he said: "Mommy, I'm really sorry I acted like that."

My gosh he's growing up guys!!! He's growing OUT of it!!! He will be a normal functioning adult one day, I got a glimpse of that today. God will use his strong will for good. And I praise God for letting me see that in him today. It was the best gift ever. I love that guy so much. He's got a great heart but he's so much work sometimes the rewards are harder to see. But when they come they are huge like this. It was awesome!

OK - I'm exhausted! I'll have pics to post soon...

Oh, the question of the day is if there's a guy selling bonsai trees on the side of the road why would he have an enlarged framed photo of JFK in front of them? I swear sometimes I find the strangest people...

Monday, June 11, 2007

Dog days

For not being a dog person I have an awful lot of posts with "dog" in the title lately. I'm turning into my grandma.

OK the doggie purse thing has caused an uproar (mostly a private e-mail uproar - my friends and readers are mostly too shy to post for some reason). Most of my friends are shocked and appalled that I would even *think* of such a faux pas. So, in the spirit of friendship I was going to post a picture of me SLINGING my puppy but no one in my family would take the picture. Then my camera broke. An omen? Hmmm you decide.

I. did. not. buy. a. doggie. purse. yet. So calm down people! Enough with the "Have you gone MAD woman?!?!?!" e-mails. Please.

OK, I haven't updated on my puppies for a few reasons. 1) I just haven't been in the mood to put comprehensive sentences together. 2) I have been ignoring my household duties on the go lately a LOT. (I've been getting a lot of time for myself too. I think DH spidey sensed I was on the verge of a mental breakdown and he's been giving me LOTS of nights to go read or eat & laugh with friends or have some coffee and quiet) & 3) *Warning* the following is not even remotely snarky, funny, or positive Curly, the black Cocker Spaniel, did not make it through. My oldest son and I sat by its side watching him go through a very terrible death. :-( In fact, at the very end I couldn't handle it anymore and I told my oldest to come by me. Later he asked why I pulled him away and I told him I couldn't deal with the dog dying and he said "Mom, you should have left me there petting him, I could have handled it" He's growing up to be such a brave and wonderful young man.



So as therapy for my grief (although I was sad, it was the fragility of life that really shook me I think) I dug his grave. Wow I didn't know digging could relieve so much stress and negativity! I may write a book called "The Angry Gardener". I used a hand spade and a plastic drinking cup. Did a fine job if I say so myself. Shovels, we don't need no stinkin' shovels.

Cocoa, on the other hand (the Chihuhua), is FINE. The vet congratulated me on taking such good care of them both and said he doubted the outcome would have been different even if I had them in with him. At least Curly died on a warm bed with people that loved him.

Alright enough of that sappy shit. I'll post a pic soon of Cocoa, the wonder puppy, who likes to try to nurse on my husband - talk about a rude wake up call! He's my kind of dog - a cat without the attitude. And him and our older dog, Sheba, play so WELL together. Sheba could eat him without chewing but instead they play like - well - like puppies. He's the perfect addition to the family.

OK, so about cameras. My lens is frozen open - darn Oklahoma dusty winds! So if you guys love me and like my photos and ever want to see that White Trash Baby Daddy exercise tape I suggest you create a paypal fundraiser for Jlynn to buy a new camera. Alright, quit looking at me like that, I'll just buy disposables until I can get a new one. ;-)

Friday, June 8, 2007

Doggie Style

Mom: "I need to git me one of those doggie pocketbooks"

5yo DS: "Doggie purses? Do they have zippers?"

Mom: "Yeah, I think so."

5yo ds: (looking quite perplexed)"How do they open the zipper? With their teeth?"

Mom: (laughing my butt off) "No honey, the pocketbook is for me to carry the dogs not for the dogs to carry"

Oh they keep me laughing!!!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

At least they're clean in the future

This morning I went out to the dining room where my 4 oldest had just eaten cereal. My 7yo DD excitedly said "All of us put our bowls away when we were done and we cleaned the table off!!!" I looked over at the clear but messy table and gave her a skeptical look. Without a beat she said, "Oh I mean we cleaned it tomorrow but not from today".

Ah OK, then tomorrow you can have that chocolate cake. ;-)

Monday, June 4, 2007

Smoochie Poochie!

This is what we get when we ask for a kiss from Baby T:




And this is what we get when we laugh at him:

So You Think You Can Dance - AMAZING ROBOT MAN

Thought this was pretty cool! And on top of it he's got scoliosis, an inspiration! :-)

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Pet Peeves

I thought this was really funny (OK and he's not terrible to watch - lol).

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Doggie drug deal

The puppies are hanging in there. We've been feeding them the Rebound electrolyte replacement VIA dropper every hour. They've had moments where they got up, they've both urinated. Then tonight they drank too much water on their own and well, I'll spare you the disgusting messy details. My husband said he wanted to clean the bathroom for me but he couldn't do it, it smelled so bad. Wuss. ;-)

Tonight I read and read about Parvo and ways to help them recover and we kept coming back to something called Parvaid. There were 2 retailers in my state so we call both. The one woman was a fellow NY'er and she agreed to meet us. So we set the puppies up with some warm towels and water (mistake) and lots of newspaper and head out. The kids fall asleep shortly after we take off and finally, at 10pm we get to our meeting place. We get off the highway and turn and we see nothing but darkness. Then, as we get by an overpass we see a car turn their lights on and off. Things were getting creepy. I never did anything harder than those "funny cigarrettes" as a kid but I was beginning to understand what a crack deal looked and felt like. As I head out of the van (with DH) with my money in hand I just prayed that no police drive by. And boy was I thankful I wasn't wearing knee highs and a mini skirt. ;-) Regardless, we sure looked suspicious. Them passing me syringes and vials and amber glass bottles of things while I'm handing them money they're counting by flashlight. ROFL

Thankfully they were nice people. Herbalist people. Herbalist yankee transplants, kindred spirits. ;-)

So, we're armed with some doggy herb remedies and feeling more confident that they'll make it through this. I am really, really, REALLY tired of nurturing and cleaning though. ;-)

Friday, June 1, 2007

I was feeling particularly snarky...

A young woman made a comment while I was walking with the kids in the store.

"Are they all yours?"

"Yup - every one"

"Oh (eye roll) I don't know HOW you do it!"

"Do you have any children?" I ask.

"Oh no, not yet".

"Oh, (eye roll), i don't know HOW you do it!"

Then I kept on walking... My kids are never paying attention enough to catch on so that's good. LOL It really felt good to give it back just once though. :-)

OK so I'd love to post later but to give you a summary... Today was the Great Flood of '07 apparently. We drove in huge lakes to attempt to rescue a car full of college kids (it was safe in our van - not in their Firebird). Then we found out our adorable, loving, beautiful little puppies we got 3 days ago have Parvo. *sigh* So we're self treating with electrolyte replacement force feedings through a syringe and giving them antibiotic shots in case of a secondary infection. Oh and lots and lots of love. Say a prayer for them. My kids love them so much and DH and I already do too. We don't want to have to say goodbye in such a terrible way.

I'll try to post some more later.

And you thought YOU were a good mother?

This is the group of friend *I* want to hang out with. Actually, my group of friends would do something like this.

This is just amazing to me. Wow. It's a little upsetting at first but hang in there, it's worth it I promise!